Two weeks ago, I was chatting with Sassenach Wench about the disaster that was "Breaking Dawn". She was graciously listening (again) to my requisite rant about how Stephenie Meyer should be stoned for her sorry excuse for a honeymoon scene, when SW reminded me of a passage so repulsive, so vile, so OOC, as to be uproarious and offensive and nauseating, all at once. She then pointed me to said passage, which appears on p. 723 in "Breaking Dawn" from Bella's point of view. Jacob is taking Renesmee to safety and Edward and Bella are saying goodbye:
"You're the only one I could ever trust her with," I murmured to him. "If you didn't love her so much, I could never bear this. I know you can protect her, Jacob."
He whined again, and dipped his head to butt it against my shoulder.
"I know," I whispered, "I love you too, Jake. You'll always be my best man."
A tear the size of a baseball rolled into the russet fur beneath his eye.
Edward leaned his head against the same shoulder where he'd placed Renesmee.
"Goodbye, Jacob, my brother...my son."
After I caught my breath from laughing, assured my husband that I wasn't having a seizure, and regained the ability to type, SW and I chatted on about the horrible--horrible--crimes of character and (what should have been) canon committed by SM.
The one above is my new favorite passage from the Twilight series that I love to hate. My question for you: what's yours?
36 comments:
Since this is, indeed, the most nausea-inducing passage in the Twilight series (for me, at least), I will rail a little more against it.
Here's the thing: My favorite scene in the entire Twilight series was the tent scene. I have a thing for that type of bonding...it's a thing with me. I wanted those boys to love each other very, very much.
But that one scene--the non-battle scene mentioned in your post--negated all of that love.
In it, Edward accepts Jake as a brother. He asks Jake to care for his child once he is dead. Beautiful, beautiful stuff. A girl like me loves that sorta thing. Until he implies, by using the word "son", that he is giving his child into the safekeeping of someone who will one day have sex with her.
Holy vomit in a handbag!
1. Does she not have a choice? He may have imprinted on her, but she didn't on him. Edward is being his vomitously controlling self by deciding then & there that she will marry Jake in the future. I have just enough feminist (read: brains) in me to rail against his paternal dictate.
2. Calling him "son" and "brother" in one move has a wonderfully sick incestuous overtone.
3. Where is the protective anger in Edward? Where is the "keep her safe or I'll hunt you down and kill you in the afterlife" response I would have expected from canon Edward?
4. She is FOUR MONTHS OLD. Oh, ew! Don't get me wrong... I have a daughter. I'm not one of those parents who thinks their child will never have sex (in fact I hope that's not the case), but, I'm sorry, that's just ew.
I could go on and on about how demented him using the word "son" is, but... I'll leave off for now.
However, since you asked for other favorite "love to hate" plotlines/scenes/whatever, I'm gonna throw this out there:
Charlie's reaction to Bella getting married.
WTF??? I mean, seriously...W...T...F??
I felt like I was reading Invasion of the Body Snatchers for a minute.
My Charlie--canon Charlie--would never have laughed at that.
Never.
*sigh*
~SassenachWench
What in the hell was that passage? I admit I haven't read Breaking Dawn and nor do I have the desire to but come on, Stephenie!
For me I have trouble accepting the fact that Bella is only too ready to give up her human life and become Vampy McVampster and yet she completely dismisses the idea of marriage... I just don't see how you can separate the two especially when being a vampire is for eternity anyway. What difference does it make if you're married?
Twilight hurts my head sometimes.
Um, yeah. I wish I had skipped BD and gone straight to the fanfic. If I'd been home I would have done just that, but I was on vacation without internet access, and I had the book in my hand, so I thought what the hell.
Big mistake.
Biiiiig mistake.
I have read so much fanfic that I fail to even remember what the books were about. :)
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ANYWAY, my fav passage (I won't say quote because I don't have the book in front of me and am too lazy to go find it), is this: I'm okay with you making me undead and living with you for ETERNITY, but marriage? That's just out of the question. Too permenant. WHAT?!?! Seriously!? I almost closed Eclipse right then and said FUCK IT! But I didn't. And I'm glad I didn't, but the WHOLE rest of the reading of Eclipse & then the train wreck that was BD, I kept thinking that this was the least believable conflict I've ever read. I mean, I'll give up LIFE for you and live with your ass for the rest of time but marriage is just too much to ask. WHAT?! Anyway, no need to explain it to me, I know she's a mormon and that's why they had to be married before they did the deed, but JFC, SM! Did you think everyone else would believe it?! UGH. K. End of rant.
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