Teaser: Centuries of Practice (CxB One-Shot)

This fic is an AU inspired by the blatant UST between Carlisle and Bella in the film rendition of New Moon (don’t pretend you didn’t catch it—they were practically eating each other in the “stitching” scene in Carlisle’s study). It is currently in beta with mabarberella and you can thank SassenachWench for encouraging me to write it. It should post some time before the end of the weekend. Enjoy the teaser, and put me on author alert if you like it! :)

Title: Centuries of Practice

Rating: NC-17

Characters: Carlisle, Bella

Summary: Of three things I was absolutely certain. First, I got off on licking Isabella Swan. Second, some part of her—I wasn’t sure how prominent that part—got off on it too. And third, if that girl didn’t stop showing up alone in my study, she was going to find herself rightly and thoroughly fucked.

* * * * *

Setting: In the study, right after Carlisle finishes stitching her as a result of the Jasper debacle

Context: Bella has asked whether he can give her something for the pain


CPOV

“There is one other thing that might help…”

Her eyes as she studied me—cautious, but open—proved her instincts were sharp.

“As long as it’s not something weird…like acupuncture.”

I laughed, but she didn’t. Bella didn’t totally grasp that she was funny.

“It’s not acupuncture, but you might find it strange.”

She raised an eyebrow and admitted a dry “I’m intrigued.”

“I could use my venom.”

Her eyes widened in shock. It figured that she didn’t know.

“In trace amounts, vampire venom greatly accelerates the healing of human injuries.”

Her eyes registered something close to humiliation as they once again flew to the floor.

“Edward always told me venom is dangerous to humans. He never told me—“

There’s a lot Edward doesn’t tell you.

“Your blood sings to him, Bella. He may shy away from healing your scrapes and bruises because he fears even a little taste.”

She brought her fingers up to run them through her hair.

“So if you lick my cut…” she began carefully as she sought my eyes, “…what, exactly, will happen?”

I will savor your exquisite taste.

“The venom will anaesthetize some of the pain while helping to close the wound.”

Hesitation featured on her face, and I knew why she was conflicted. She saw me as Edward’s father and the idea of me licking her probably creeped her out.

If she only knew…

* * * * *

What is the best non-Twilight performance of a Twilight star?

A simple look at IMDB proves that the list of our favorite Twi-stars other performances is long. In my search for a little Twi-star love to tide me over until Eclipse, I hardly know what movies to pick.

Sure, IMDB tells you whether they were in the movie, but they don't give you other essentials, like how much screen time did they get? How many lines did they have? Did their character wear many clothes? Was there any frontal nudity? Were there any sex or masturbation scenes?

And, after New Moon, I am feeling a little squicky about my Puma-ish reaction to Taylor and potentially other twi-stars if I see movies where they were really young (I am writing nas-tay versions of fic Bella, mind you--it kind of makes me want to stay away from Panic Room.)

All that said, I want your recs. What must-see prior works do you recommend? If they happen to involve The Peach I'd be A-OK with that. Mabarberella already gave me one today :)

Long Time Between Updates + Update Only Gives Second POV = Major Fic Faux Pas

Now, you know I don't like to rant (::cough::bullshit::cough::) but I've decided to start a new series to be lovingly referred to as "Fic Faux Pas". I'm not malicious--I won't mention any fic by name or make any obvious allusions--rather, I will give authors some pointers on a few things that would help we readers love them even more. Now, it might seem, at times like I'm giving authors quite a spanking, but someone needs to advocate for us, the reader! Authors, this is hurting me more than it's hurting you, but I'm spanking you for your own good.

Read and learn:

Long Time Between Updates + Update Only Gives Second POV = Major Fic Faux Pas

If I love your story but if you write like molasses I need the next part to give me more. More, not as in same stuff, different character. More, as in more of the story. And, when I say story, I mean plot. If I have waited a long time, what I want to know most is what will happen next.

One more thing:

If you pull this after a big cliffie, don't even fucking talk to me. I hate you. At least for awhile.

But, love and hate are parallel emotions, and I hate you only because I love you. I love you so much that I want everything you have to give me. But, then it's like "why are you holding out?" I am filled with joy when I get your update in my box, but when I don't find out what happens next, it's all just a tease.

There are some exceptions:

People who update frequently are exempt. Kind of.

If you're posting twice a week, I don't really mind. Though, in general I don't think most authors do a great job of pulling off same scene/different character, but that is a rant for another time.

So that's it chicadees. But I'm curious to know--what rants are you storing up? Drop me a line and tell me your fic faux pas!

What fic finds you nestled all snug in your bed while visions of Carlisles and Edwards dance in your head?

It's Bellie and Eddie time, folks. And the Winter 2010 round has something new and brilliant: "Story that Haunts Your Dreams". This is a category dedicated to fic that pwns you so hard you have to read it again. And again. And again. A fic that hurts so good you can't stop thinking about it, not even in your sleep.

I rarely go back and read entire fics (especially since I'm into a lot of lonnnng multi-chapters), but I certainly go back for individual chapters and scenes. When I think of who I will nominate for this category, here is a list of juicies that definitely haunts my dreams:

Over the Top by Starfish 422: I have read the Jasper topping Edward scene, like, ten times
Just One Day by Sassenach Wench: I would expose myself as an incurable perv if I told you how many times I read the CxB scene near the beginning the ExBxJ scene later on. HAWT!!
The Hummer by Mabarberella: Since it's a one-shot, I reread this one in its entirety. To date, I have done so thrice. Did I mention I only found it a couple of weeks ago?
Bittersweet Symphony by I'mwiththevampires08: Read the Truth or Dare scene too many times to count
What I Failed to Realize by BeautifulFigment: I have actually gone back and reread this whole fic, paying special attention to the JxE basement scene, of course
Clipped Wings and Inked Armor by hunterhunting: If you're reading it, you know which scene ;)
The Office by tby789: The La Perla scene and the car-in-the-parking garage scene, among others. Yeah, baby!
Definition by RosaleeLorraine: This sent me to bed with a smile last night, and I was still smiling about it this morning. Which is saying a lot, since there haven't even been any lemons yet.

Now it's your turn. What fic finds you nestled all snug in your bed while visions of Carlisles and Edwards dance in your head?

New Moon Premiere: Time To Represent

Do you remember when you were little and your mom was taking you somewhere exciting (like the circus), how she'd make you take an extra nap?  She knew that between the place she was taking you and your excitement over that place, without a nap you'd tire yourself out.  But then, do you remember how you didn't want to take a nap, even though you knew you needed one, because the place you were going was so heart-poundingly exciting you couldn't settle down enough to sleep?  New Moon is my circus.  Today is the day.  And I am so f*ing excited.

The plan:

9:00PM- Be jealous of east coast people, who are already watching the movie

10:15PM- Pick up decaf w/hazelnut from Peet's

10:30PM- Show up at local theater (which is showing it on 13 screens at 12:01AM).  Brave maddened crowds.

10:35PM-10:45PM- Glare at Team Jacob bitches while preening in my Team Edward t-shirt.  Quickly get over myself

11:20PM- Ask fans I have by now made friends with in line to hold my spot while I buy an enormous tub of popcorn.  Offer to pick them up some sour patch kids

11:55PM- Head into IMAX theater where a special lens will allow the film to be shown 2x larger

12:10AM- Scream my head off when the previews are over and New Moon starts.

12:30AM- Wipe at my eyes with a hankie when Edward leaves Bella alone in the woods

12:55AM- Secretly like it when Jacob takes off his shirt and secretly not be ashamed that I am old enough to be his mother

1:45AM- Cream over Protectward as he saves his woman!

2:45AM- Back home, fall into a blissful sleep

So...what's your plan?